This blog contains adult material, including depictions and descriptions of nudity, consensual BDSM play and sexuality.
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Sunday, August 18, 2013

Alex Interviews: Mila Kohl

You guys heard about my wonderful adventures with my scene sister, Mila in several different posts. I've interviewed her about experiences in the scene and her work as a spanking model, stepping outside of my sisterly feelings for a moment (I didn't pull her hair once in the entire process).
I really enjoy interviewing other people, and it's my intention to do this more regularly. If you have additional questions for Mila, please leave them in the comments area and I'll whine to her until she responds. :D

Mila is the cutest cute who ever cuted, in case you were wondering. This photo is of her being spanked by Pandora Blake for Dreams of Spanking.

Alex: How long have you been doing spanking videos? How did you get started with them?

Mila: I started making spanking videos a little over a year ago; about the time I realized there was an expansive community of people with the same interests as me. I went to a local spanking party, and I was asked if I wanted to take part in a promo video with a bunch of other models, and I agreed. I fell immediately in love with the entire process. 

Alex: What was your first spanking shoot like? Did you enjoy it? 

Mila: It was very lighthearted and sort of silly, and those are always my favorite videos to do; when I can giggle about something in a video I've done a year after the fact, I call that a win. But I digress! All of us schoolgirls were caught having a keg party and the principal showed up. It did not end well for us. But it was very enjoyable, yes. (Side note from Alex: filming this video was the way that Mila and I first met!)

Alex: I know, and have mentioned before, that spanking is part of your personal life besides just for filming. How long have you known you were kinky? When did your interest in spanking develop? 

Mila: Kink has always, always been a thing that existed in my mind. For as far back as I can remember being sexually curious, I've been kink curious. I can remember being rather young and asking boys to boss me around. I truly craved that sort of dynamic, and I still do. My background in kink began in BDSM, and my love for corporal punishment, and spanking in particular led me to the spanko world. 

Some horrible, mean person caned my poor, sweet, innocent sister for Dreams of Spanking. :P

Alex: When did you get first ever adult spanking? Was it a good experience? 

Mila: My first ever spanking. Hmmmm. My first true OTK spanking was... Intense. I can remember feeling almost overwhelmed, balancing precariously upon the tightrope between being a good girl and taking my punishment, and being indignant and wiggly, because up to that point, I'd only had very short, sort of playful spankings. In the end, I let go and accepted my fate, (I had done something rather deserving of what I was getting) and came up all glowy and happy afterwards. I remember that spanking fondly to this day. 

Alex: Would you say that spanking is your primary fetish, or just part of the stuff that you’re into? What other things in the world of kink are you interested in? 

Mila: I have two primary fetishes: Spanking, and bondage, particularly rope. The kink world is a vast, exceptionally interesting and diverse place. I'm curious about a great many things. I have a few hard limits, but I have a love for trying new things and exploring as many aspects of sexuality as possible. A few of my favorite things: Floggers, shibari, suspension bondage, breath play, sensory deprivation, and having my arm held tight against my back during a spanking. 

Mila doing an outdoor suspension with Dallas Kink

Alex: What are some of your favorite shoots that you’ve done so far? 

Mila: Oh gosh! I've had so much fun with all of them. 
I did some really amazing videos with Northern Spanking whilst I was in England; I think the lot of them count as one favorite. There is also an early video of you and me in our first role as sisters that is near and dear to my heart. (Note again, this video is from Firm Discipline and is currently not available, but eventually will be again!)

Mila, Debbie Davidson and me. 

Alex: Are there things that you’d like to try filming but haven’t had a chance to yet?

Mila: I would love to try a bondage/spanking scene. I love the sense of vulnerability I get when I'm all bound and across someone's knee, and the rope marks after are one of my all time favorite things. 

Alex: A lot of this blog is dedicated to me talking about the adventures that I’ve had in the spanking scene. What are some of your favorite adventures that you’ve gotten to have in the scene, or with spanking friends? 

Mila: Oh gosh! Well, one time you and I fed giraffes and that pretty much made my life, even though it had nothing to do with spankings. I got accused of all sorts of ridiculousness in spanking court, and was spanked on my bare bottom in front of a whole room of people for no reason, because I was totally innocent. (I think.) Oh! And I also got to be naked in the mountains with you once. That was amazing. 

This is us, being naked in the aforementioned mountains.

Alex: Last year, you were named Miss OTK USA at Crimson Moon. Can you talk a little bit about the competition, and your skit? 

Mila: Awh, that was so much fun! And one of my absolute FAVORITE memories of all time. I'm very sad that I wasn't at Crimson Moon last month to crown my successor. But I'm glad it was a wonderful party!

I was very nervous about the competition, because I've never done anything pageanty ever. But I really wanted to win, so I looked over the requirements again, and decided that the things I needed to focus on most were my reason for wanting the crown and my spanking talent. I brainstormed for a while, and Henry [Mila's stuffed girrafe] sat on the desk and offered moral support. Then it hit me; he could totally be a part of both of those things! For my spanking talent (adorable bratting), I bopped the judges on the head with Henry and sang a little song, and then Vincent and I planned for him to come along and scoop me up over his shoulder to give me a spanking. It all worked really well and it was a LOT of fun. When they called my name after everyone had had their turn, I couldn't stop squealing. There's a picture somewhere of me over Vincent's shoulder that is a perfect depiction of all my feels in that moment.  That smile didn't leave my face for days.

I found the photo in question. Bam!

Alex: Do you have goals regarding your modeling career? Particular things you want to do or accomplish? 

Mila: Honestly, I just feel very lucky to be doing what I love for a living. I'm enjoying the ride, and letting life take me where it sees fit.  

Alex: What’s your favorite thing to be spanked with? Your least favorite?

Mila: A flogger. Every time. I love a good flogging. 
Annnnd least would have to be a tawse. Those things make me have cry face. Alex: Holy fuck, I entirely agree on the latter. 

Alex: What parties do you plan on attending this year? Will you be working there, or just socializing? 

Mila: I will be attending and working at Shadowlane as well as Crimson Moon's Halloween party. And I am VERY excited. If you'd like to shoot with me, or have a private session, email me at milakohlspanked@gmail.com

Alex: What advice would you offer a young person who wanted to get involved in the scene? 

Mila: Get out there and meet people. Find a party nearby and attend it! Spankos are some of the friendliest people in the world, and most all of them that I've met have been more than willing to impart knowledge and guidance whenever needed. Don't be afraid to ask questions, and have fun!  

Mila is getting spanked by Paul Kennedy for Dreams of Spanking. I love Mila's pout (and everyone in and involved in this photo). 

Saturday, August 17, 2013

Protocol: Accepting the Concept, Enjoying the Reality

So, I've never participated in Kink of the Week before. This is partially because I tend to think of myself as not having "a lot" of kinks, and partially because I was always running myself ragged trying to tell every single story that happened in my life. Now that I've stepped back from feeling responsible for keeping up with that, I feel able to do more posts like this, so I'm going to give this a go. :)

The KOTW topic this week is protocol.

My first D/s dynamic with was with Malignus, and it began two and a half years ago. When we first met, I was very uncertain of whether or not I was actually submissive or if I was just a bottom. A lot of this was my general discomfort with non-spanking BDSM. At the time, I felt very different from the people that I interacted with at Dungeons and munches in Los Angeles. I felt like they saw me as boring, or as "doing it wrong" because the things that I liked and wanted were so incredibly specific, and a lot of it seemed far more casual than what other people did. I began the journey of discovering what submission actually meant to me (a process that I think will always be continuing) and I found that it was something that I identified with strongly. I liked the feeling of trusting someone and sharing control over aspects of my life. I grew into the role very, very well, and was able to identify that this was actually a huge part of what I wanted from my kink. There were things that continued to make me uncomfortable, though. One of these was the idea of protocol.

During one of our original conversations, Malignus mentioned to me that it would be an option for him to "train me" in "high protocol." He wasn't pushing this, or anything, just putting it out there as an option. This idea made me tremendously (and irrationally) upset. I've always been very put off by the word and idea of "training." I associate it with breaking down that which is naturally there and replacing it with something else, and this was something which I thought I saw in some D/s relationships and found very threatening. I was scared that being a submissive would make me lose myself. I didn't want my normal preferences and behaviors to be broken down and replaced with "protocols." Malignus did his best to reassure me that this wasn't what he meant at all, but when I was not able to be calmed, we just ignored the topic in general.

I remained uncomfortable if he talked about his other submissives and their ways of practicing protocol, or if I interacted with people who prescribed to a standardized set of protocol.  Eventually, I realized that this was because my kink is so, incredibly personal to me and I didn't want to feel like I had to follow someone else's set of rules. For a long time, "protocol" remained a dirty word, though, even though I was constantly being assured that no one was going to force me to follow any arbitrary and unnecessary rules, and that "they" couldn't make me do ANYTHING without my consent.

Eventually, I grew up a bit, got over myself and became more confident in the scene. I got over my "spanko-angst" and began to relate well to people with other kinks. I stopped being so puritanical about "spanko purity" and explored other kinks a bit, discovering a variety of things that did and didn't work for me. From here, I was able to look back at my original D/s relationship and realize that it was fairly strictly protocoled. It was just our own, personal protocol, and Malignus wasn't calling it that to keep me from getting freaked out again. :P

Now that I'm past my dislike of the word, I identify protocol as being something that exists in the space where the rules and rituals of a D/s relationship overlap (I realize that this is similar but different to the article which Jade referred to in the KOTW post). Observe my diagram:

I made this in approximately 75 seconds, so I hope it doesn't suck too much.

Take my D/s dynamic with Paul, for example. There are certain things that are just rules and don't fall under the heading of Protocol. It's a rule that I can't do irresponsible things that put myself in danger, but there isn't any repetition there, and it isn't part of the routine of our lives and interactions, really. One could argue that I'm in the routine of thinking before doing stupid things, but it's not the same.

There are other rules that integrate into the habits of my daily life, and are therefore part of the ritual of our relationship: it's a rule that I go to bed before 2:00 AM and a rule that I update my blog at least once a week. These things are also fairly procedural, so in my mind, they can be considered part of the protocol of our dynamic.

On the other side of the chart, there are things that are ritualistic or part of our habits that aren't really rules. These behaviors are still very important to me, because they create stability. For example, I know that after any sort of scene, we'll cuddle for however long I need to before we try to do anything else. It's part of the ritual that we've created around playing, but it isn't a rule, per se. I wear my shell necklace every day because it makes me feel close to Paul despite our current distance, and it is a visual symbol of our relationship. Having it there is part of my daily ritual, but it isn't a protocol, because there's no enforcement that I do this.

There isn't any particular reason why the things that fall into the "protocol" space are more important, though. The distinction is purely semantic, but science knows that I love semantics. All three things (rules, protocol and ritual) create a sense of stability and make me feel both secure and loved. Certain aspects become very important to me when we're apart from each other, especially things that I can do on my own to engage in the dynamic (like working on my blog or going to bed on time) if, for some reason, we can't be in communication at a particular moment. Others, especially the protocol and ritual that we use within a scene, become very important when we're together. They're little things that make me feel very submissive, and it's a wonderful feeling.

The creation of these practices over time has been very special to me. I still can imagine how distasteful what I thought protocol was meant to be would be. It would make D/s feel very cold and impersonal to simply try to apply a set of "right" or "one size fits all" behaviors to it. When I read about other people's protocols, especially when looking through the KOTW posts, I sometimes think "That would never work for me," or "that sounds really detached" or something like that. That's the beauty of this thing. Other people's protocols don't HAVE to work for me. Only mine do. And they do.

Friday, August 16, 2013

Turn and Face the Strange

I haven't written anything all month long.

This is one of my longer hiatuses. I have gotten a few concerned emails, asking if I'm alright, or if I've retired from blogging or something. I'm just fine, and I've certainly not gone away for good. I haven't *meant* to go away at all. It's just been difficult to update recently, due to a combination of circumstances.

The changes in my life sort of began in earnest several months ago when Malignus and I ended our romantic, and then later, our D/s relationship. At the time, I didn't feel that I could write about it without being dramatic or excessively emotional, so I simply didn't. It wasn't a secret, obviously, but I didn't feel that it was appropriate to sit down and write a big post about how we'd split up. The process was obviously not easy, but it was ultimately the right thing to do.

Additionally, and un-relatedly, YS and I have recently decided to end our D/s dynamic. We've grown and changed as people, and our dynamic was no longer serving the same purpose that it originally did. The dynamic had become punctilious, and more of a formality than anything else as we both developed in different directions.

SF is currently taking a hiatus from the scene because a horrible personal tragedy befell him recently, and it's taking a long time for him to recover from it (quite understandably). I know he'll eventually be back, and he knows I'll be there when he is! PTL and I have a horrible combination of impossibly busy schedules (hers much more extreme than mine!) and therefore have little time for bossing interactions these days. That was mostly just "for fun" anyway.

In the meantime, this means that my flowchart has become pretty straight-forward:

Current Bossiness Flowchart

As opposed to this, 9 months ago:

This didn't happen by design. It's just been a year of changes. Nothing's quite as sure as change. There's lots of room for off-chart bossing in my life, of course, and there's a good handful of people that I choose to listen to when they tell me to do something.

There's another very big change that's happening in my life: I'm in the process of moving from Sioux Falls back to Los Angeles. It was time for that, and it just makes sense right now. Last week, Epipelagic came to visit and she helped me to pack ALL MY STUFF into boxes and space bags. Space bags are one of the greatest things of all time, by the way. Watching all the air get vacuumed out of the bags is extremely gratifying. Once everything was packaged, Epipelagic did most of the organization of my car. It nearly defies the laws of physics. She turned my car into a bag of holding. She's a wonderful friend, by the way, and I'm so glad that I'll be living near her again. I value our friendship so much, and I can't wait to see how it grows and develops in the coming years.

Leaving Sioux Falls was hard. It's never easy to leave a place where you lived, even if I was never truly suited for life in a small, Midwestern city like that. I'll miss everyone that I got close to there very much. I realize that I didn't have a very drawn out or formal goodbye process as I left. I can't really say why that is-- it just felt like leaving quietly was the most comfortable thing for me to do. The other day, I drove from Sioux Falls to Denver, where I had a few shoots before continuing on my way. Driving away from the place that had been my home for the past two years was difficult. I was dazzled by the beauty of the landscape as I passed into the part of the state that wasn't so flat. The sun was shining through the clouds, and it would start to rain, but the rain never lasted long.

I'm in Denver for a few more days and then I'm going to Texas to see Mila, WYO and LLB, do more shooting and sessions and probably swim in the pool in my underwear some more, because that's how I do. After that, Mila and I are going to drive from Dallas to Vegas, stopping in New Mexico to visit Heather Green for a bit, and in Phoenix and or Tucson for shoots on the way. Vegas, of course, will be Shadowlane, the superlative spanko gathering place! We'll be heading to Los Angeles from there, where Mila will visit for a few days and then I'll begin my new life there. It's tremendously, amazingly exciting. I can't wait. I love everything about the life that I'm going to have.

So, that's the state of things right now. I'm ultimately in a very good place, and my life is only going to get better and better.